I like you just the way you are

I didn't appreciate Fred Rogers when I was a kid. I thought his show was "babyish" and that I had no need for his gentle words of kindness and affirmation.

My how I've changed since then.

This weekend I went to see It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, with Tom Hanks playing Mr. Rogers, and it was just what my grown-up heart needed. The example of a flawed human being with a temper, who nevertheless practiced being present with, and extending love to, people every day. I left that theater wanting to be much more like him.

I like you just the way you are, he used to say.

In this world of striving and performing and worrying and evaluating, those words of unconditional acceptance can be transformative.

It seems a little counter-intuitive to our typical way of thinking: If we offer imperfect people unconditional acceptance, what incentive will they have to improve? Won't it keep them from growing? Heck, aren't we obligated to put conditions on our approval, so they don't stay stagnant?

No. We're not.

The nature of life itself is to change. We couldn't stop it if we tried. People have an internal drive to learn and grow that has nothing to do with our acceptance or approval. I'd even say that the more unconditional our love, the easier it is for people to follow that call to grow and change, because they know they'll still be accepted, no matter what.

"I like you just the way you are" isn't about the details of the present moment, but about the essence of the person. It says, "I like who you've been, who you are, who you will be -- and more than that, the underlying YOU that is alive in your body."

Who among us doesn't want to be seen and honored that way?

Since watching the movie, I've been extending that sentiment toward myself a lot more often, and it's felt fantastic.

As the new year approaches, may you experience the same grace.