Compassion vs empathy, according to Jack Kornfield

I listened to a talk yesterday called Exploring the Shadow with Jack Kornfield. It covered way more than this, but I was especially struck by a distinction he made at 34:43 minutes between empathy and compassion. Whereas empathy is the ability to feel another person's pain, he said, compassion includes the desire to respond somehow to help alleviate it.

It is a really important distinction!

He cited some interesting fMRI research done with a Tibetan Lama who was asked to witness the suffering of refugees, and then respond first with empathy, and then compassion.

After practicing empathy -- simply connecting to the deep pain of the people and situation -- the Lama reported being "drained and exhausted" by the experience.

After practicing compassion, however, he reported feeling totally different. Thinking not just about the pain but also about how he might respond to help alleviate it, left him feeling empowered and refreshed.

Can you relate to this in your life? I certainly can.

I think it explains why I sometimes avoid attending to things that are painful, from the personal hardships of friends and family members, to frightening news about our world, to even my own fears and insecurities.

If all I can think to do is empathize, that is pretty unsatisfying. It drags me down, doesn't do anything to change the situation, and often leaves me feeling just as helpless as the people directly involved.

But what if instead I practiced compassion, Jack Kornfield-style? To not only empathize, but also ask myself: What is there for me to do here? How might I help?

Asking those questions brings me back to the part of me that cares, which is vibrant, creative and wise, and can give generously without feeling depleted or resentful.

Not a bad thing to be in touch with as Thanksgiving approaches!

Here’s to all of us practicing compassion this week, both toward ourselves and others, and feeling empowered and refreshed because of it.